Preserving Your Confidence.

Oftentimes, things happen in our lives that either make us want to quit or to push harder. I have arrived at that crossroad a time or two in my life and career. I always take the push harder route. This year I had something happen that placed me into a bubble of weariness, and no matter how hard I tried to push through, it lingered. I was approached about a new career opportunity that was given to someone else. It was a person who was my junior, not of the ethnicity usually associated and required for the position, and whom I had seen as a friend; a friend who accepted it without the blink of an eye. To make matters worse, the person in the position to make the decision was a person whom I’d supported and helped advance in their career. They later apologized to me for the misstep, but never made it right. I had been excited about an opportunity to make a difference in the new position and was totally taken aback by the lack of professional acumen. I didn’t deserve what had happened to me.


The situation was unbelievable. At one point, it even made me question myself about what I could have done differently. When all was said and done, however, I came to the conclusion that there wasn’t anything I could have done that would have resulted in a different outcome. It was not my fault. The bubble began to leak; I was breaking free. Beforehand, I had prayed to God that if I was meant to be in the position, allow it to go seamlessly. If it was not the right position for me, I’d asked God to close the door. My goodness did the door not only shut, it was slammed, and firmly!


The funk bubble burst and dissipated after many weeks, and I begin to have a clear mind and an attitude shift. I began to think of all the successes I’ve had in my life and of the time I still have left to make things happen the way that I want them to transpire. I made the firm decision that this is my life, and I have control of what makes or breaks me; this would not break me. I decided to boss up. Bossing up means taking back control and being responsible for what happens to you. I took back control of my mindset, my work life and allowed the power of confidence to kick back in, rather than allowing negativity to take up mind-space. Bossing up uplifted and sustained me. In the end, I was given another opportunity, not as exciting or as appealing, but it will help me in the long run, and I am able to work independently, which I really like doing.


Why share all of this? I had some trepidation, in all honesty. What if the people involved read this? I decided that’s okay. You see, generally, I’ve always secured any professional position I aspired to. This was a set-back, but it wasn’t the finale. Therefore, I want to encourage you to boss up as well and to always seek ways to grow and realize, even negative actions can result in positive outcomes. Assess your situation. Is it something that would have been best for you in the end? Whose loss was it, yours or the organization? Or, was it a loss at all or just not meant to be? I decided the position would have placed me in a less than optimal situation. And, though it wasn’t my decision, in the end, it was the best outcome for me. As hard as that was to accept initially, I did. I am better off for it. Other doors for even greater opportunities will open.




When you feel like an opportunity you want presents itself, go for it. Don’t let fear of failure stop you. If it is to be, it will be, where you are now or in another organization. If it doesn’t work out in your favor, let it go. Also assess more than the position and the money that comes with it. You can make money in any number of jobs and positions. It’s about career satisfaction and being valued. Is there something in your gut that tells you something seems off, not quite right? Listen to it.

Lastly, remember, one rejection will not stop you. Rejection does not mean you aren’t positioned for something greater. Remain confident that your abilities remain the same and that you will get to where you want and are meant to be. Someone will recognize your skills, talents and strengths and ask you to become a part of their team. Isn’t that what you want, a team that welcomes and embraces you? For sure, it is.

Before I close, let me say, some people separate their spiritual life from their professional life. I can’t. It is my faith that guides me and provides me with answers when I have questions that I can’t readily answer. That’s why my confidence remains strong. Greater things await. Here’s to self-assurance and bossing up!

Dr. Pat

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